Life Catches Up With You

I had the perfect plan for my first post-NICU post.  I had taken a picture of Rigby's hand, where if you looked VERY closely, you could still see where his IV needle had been.  I was going to wax all nostalgic and say this was all you could see on him now that ever proved he'd been a NICU baby.  But then life happened.  And I didn't blog for five months.
Which is sad, because MAJOR stuff happened those five months.
First there was this:

Our first family photograph, taken at the NICU the last day Rigby was there.

Then there was this:

Actually, finally, MAGICALLY leaving the NICU with our perfect baby boy.

Wanna know something else kind of wonderful? Rigby was finally released from the NICU on May 8th, 2011.  Mother's Day.  My first Mother's Day.  Even now, when I think of that tender mercy my eyes well up with tears.  Getting to take home my first baby, my beautiful son on my first Mother's Day was so perfect, so right.  So many things about the beginning of his life didn't SEEM right, but somehow, this sweet occurrence put things in perspective.  No more nights sleeping away from my little angel,wondering if he would wake up and cry because I wasn't there.  Of course, that also meant no more nights of uninterrupted sleep, but that was all worth it, too, because then came this:

About two months after Rigby came home, he was blessed on July 3, 2011.  James gave such a beautiful blessing.  This weekend was also awesome because it was our first Fourth of July as a family.  Which looked like this:

Of course, Rigby did get his first cold after this weekend, which sadly led to more time in the hospital.  Fortunately, we never had to be admitted, however Rigby had such a hard time clearing the mucus from his cold, almost every night we had to go to the bronchiolitis clinic at the E.R. so they could suction is nasal passages.  This way, he could finally breathe easily enough to sleep, but it broke my heart to do it.  Every time, Rigby would cry SO hard.  I'd have to stand in the hall and let James play bad cop while I cried.  Hospital staff would walk by, smile understandingly and ask if the infant screams belonged to my baby.  I'd sniffleingly reply yes.  We were the ONLY people utilizing the clinic in the middle of July.  That fact, it can safely be said, can be chalked up to a preterm immune system.  Fortunately, Rigby's cold cleared up about two weeks later, and just in time, too, because then there was this:

Our annual trip to Chelan, and Rigby's first time!  It was fun, but very different from all our other trips.  James and I always focused on Rigby first, then took turns doing our usual fun things.  I'm really looking forward to next year when Rigby will be mobile and able to discover Chelan for himself.

Today, our days look mostly like this:

Rigby is THE HAPPIEST baby.  He wakes up with a huge grin on his face that wavers only when he's very hungry.  He's got the sunniest disposition, it makes him so easy to love.  Sadly, right now we're working on cold number two. The nurse at the pediatrician's office didn't believe me that he was sick at first because he was so smiley.  Then she heard him cough.
We're on the tail end of it I think, now, but it's still so hard to hear him cough or struggle for a breath.  Rigby's also decided to assert his independence.  This last weekend, my 5.5 month old decided he was done nursing.  As in he will have NOTHING to do with me if my shirt is off.  That's what I mean about the "Life Catches Up With You" part.  All of the sudden, Rigby was done nursing.  I wasn't ready for that.  I thought I would decide when we would wean him.  I planned on being the awesome mom that breastfed for a year, even though every day was a battle to produce even half of what Rigby needed.  But Rigs had other ideas.  It's making me a little blue today.  Like, already he needs a little less of me than he did before.  But James pointed out that now he'll just need new things, different things.  Need me to listen to his babble and pretend it makes sense so he can learn how to talk.  Need me to help him work on rolling over.  Need me to make an absolute idiot of myself to get a giggle out of him.  There are new things he needs from me, too. 
I guess that's what this is going to be like, this whole mommy thing.  Realizing one morning that they don't need you the way they did before, but that they need you still, in a different way.  Maybe next time I won't need to drown my sorrows in mini snickers because I'll understand that better, and his growing up won't seem like it's already going too fast.
Let's hope I get better at it, anyway.  There's miles of this baby weight to go, still, and I don't think the snickers help in that fight.  Too bad carrot sticks and crunches just aren't as comforting. :)