The Countdown Begins in Earnest!

Well, just a little bit ago, our doctor came to give us the rundown on the next 48 hours or so.  Tomorrow at 5 p.m., I will be taken down to Labor and Delivery where they will start the medication to soften my cervix (sorry if that's too much info for anyone!).  Sometime early Tuesday morning, they will start pitocin, and likely sometime before 5 or 6, Rigby will be here. 

That is insane to me.

It is the most overwhelming mix of emotions:  Relief that I made it this long without delivering him.  Disbelief that he will actually be here that soon.  Fear for the labor part.  Excitement to see what he looks like.  Nervousness about really not knowing what comes next. And many more emotions that I can't even really put a finger on.

The resultant mix of emotions is like mystery meat.  You think you can guess at some of the ingredients, but the product as a whole is largely unidentifiable, and you don't know how to feel about it.  I have dealt with this world of uncertainty be eating a bag of Milano cookies almost entirely by myself in less than 24 hours.  (Thanks, Kristin, they were fabulous!) Perhaps not the healthiest way to process my feelings.  But then I tell myself the window of time I can legitimately claim to be eating for two is quickly closing, and I might as well take advantage of it while I can.

It's weird to think that from now on, I'll be a mom.  In a lot of ways, I feel like I still rely on and need my own mom so much.  How do people do this when they are 19 and 20? I feel like a very responsible human being, and I hardly know what to do with myself.  I can't imagine what this would have been like when I was 21-24 and still figuring out who I was.  James is so cool and confident about it.  It's one of the things I love most about him.  He just confronts things.  He doesn't let his mind frazzle him with worry.  He just takes the next step.  He's like the living embodiment of the Elder Wirthlin quote - Come what may and love it.  Of course, he's not the one having to squeeze a person out of him in the next 48 hours, so perhaps it's not really fair to compare my nerves with his. 

 At any rate, the good news is, the amount of time I have to worry about these things is finite.  The hours will pass, and then Rigby will be here, and I won't be able to sit and obsess and worry; I'll be able to DO.  That's something to look forward to.  That, and finally meeting the little stranger that's been growing inside of me for the last 34 weeks... that will be pretty darn cool.